Holding On
by wickeddioguardi
Summary: set after 2x03 Arthur fights to hold on to his marriage


Bang & Blame (2.03) and All the Right Friends (2.04)

Set after Gina turned up through the next episode.

The moment Gina approached the table he knew he was in trouble. He hadn't told his wife about their little meeting for reasons that at this very moment were beyond him. In the back of his mind the familiar sound of his own voice rang out telling him he was only trying to protect her and avoid any unnecessary stress but it sounded like a jaded and worn out excuse not a real reason. He studied her carefully as they briefly interacted, barely registering what Gina was saying except that she was glad he'd taken his advice and meet Gottfried. He could see the anger in his wives features as clear as day at that little fact after all Gina had only told him everything that Joan had and he'd brushed her off determined not to give in. He knew how it looked and was mystified why he thought it had been a good idea to even go in the first place, he knew Gina he knew the second she discovered Joan wasn't aware of their little meeting she would use it to her advantage she would do exactly this. He watched her leave and turned his attention back to his wife who had turned to face their company and resumed their previous conversation as if nothing had just happened. He had to hand it to her she was a master at masking her feelings even in front of him, if it wasn't for her eyes giving her away he'd no longer be able to tell anything was wrong. He currently had no idea how bad things were because she refused to look at him, he knew now wasn't the time or the place to get into this she would only shoot him down. He tried to get back into the evening but couldn't all he could thing about was how stupid he had been, they were only just back on good terms after a hellish year and here he was doing the exact thing that had pushed her away in the first place only this time he had involved his ex-wife which made things ten times worse. Even if she trusted him she would never trust anything when it came to Gina too much had happened for that. She would never truly understand how bad things had been between them when she had come along which had always made her paranoid that he could do the same to her. Even on their worst days, of which they had had many this past year, it never ever got as bad as his first marriage for a starters no matter how bad things got he still loved her, in fact he loved her more now than when he had first meet her, something that had never been true with Gina. As the evening began to wind down he paid the bill and said his goodbyes before following his wife to the car, who incidentally was still very much avoiding his gaze.

'Joan we need to talk about this' he was meet with silence as she choose to focus on her seatbelt. 'Joan please talk to me I know I messed up and I should have told you about the meeting '

'Just take me home Arthur I'm tired and I'm not in the mood to discuss this now' she still hadn't looked at him and he was beginning to wonder if she ever would again. Her tone was sharp almost business like as if she was reprimanding one of her agents who had just royally stuffed up on an assignment. He supposed he deserved the frosty reception but he couldn't deny the tone of her voice had stung a little. He had little choice but to comply with her wishes he knew his wife well enough to know when pushing things was only going to land him in more trouble and this was defiantly one of those times. Defeated for the time being he turned the key in the ignition and headed for home resigned to another night on the couch.

* * *

For the next few days they barely spoke. They acknowledged each other at home, not that they had seen each other much she had instead chosen to put as much distance between them as possible leaving early in the morning before he woke and returning home late at night and heading straight for bed, at work they were civil like always but nothing more. He hadn't expected things to go this far he thought they would have woken up the next day and sorted things; he entered their bedroom and noticed the picture on the bedside table. It had been taken on holiday a little over a year after they had married, they looked happy cuddled into each other without a care in the world eyes only for each other how different things were now. Reaching for the picture his attention was drawn to something shiny lying next to it. His breath caught in his throat as he realised exactly what it was, she'd never taken them off before heck he'd only just bought her the new engagement ring as a sign that they were back on track yet here it was lying on the table while she was at work. He slipped the rings into his pocket and headed to work he had no idea how he was going to make things up to her and fix the awful mess he had gotten himself into but he wasn't about to just lie down and let her push him further away until there was no way back, the rings a clear sign if he didn't act now they were heading for that fast.

He had a meeting with Auggie first thing and used it as an opportunity to pry a little. As a direct result of him barely seeing his wife the past few days Auggie had seen her a lot and was in a better position than him currently to assess her mood. He would never just come out and ask him though he knew Joan trusted him more than anyone else, including him at the moment, but he did not have the relationship with the young man as his wife and found it incredibly awkward to talk to him often unnerved by the thought of how much he knew about his private life. The brief moments he had been around his wife lately she had seemed tired and more than a little stressed which had worried him as much as the state of their marriage. However he felt towards Auggie he was always grateful to have someone like him looking out for his wife and though subtly he would always give him fair warning when he needed to step in.

'How are things at the DPD going?' both knew exactly what was being asked and credit to the young man sitting opposite him he didn't miss a beat

'Good I guess little stressful but you know how things go. Speaking of which I should probably get back before I'm needed unless there's anything else'

'No no that's fine Just think about my offer and don't take too long to get back to me it's a good opportunity for you Auggie' he'd offered him the position of OSA which he thought he'd suit perfectly.

'I will'

He waited until he had left before sinking a little in his chair closing his eyes as he did. In all honestly he'd been hoping for a little more than what Auggie had offered up. He knew he would have said something if there was something to be worried about but it didn't help settle him, he genuinely had no idea what was currently going through his wives mind. He played absentmindedly with the rings in his pocket and tried desperately to think about the last few days. He'd already decided tonight was the night he was going to try and fix things but not knowing how she felt was unnerving him did she even want to fix things or would she just leave. He didn't like the thought of the second option but it had been running through his head ever since he'd discovered she'd left her rings behind earlier, maybe it was already too late maybe he'd let things go too far.

* * *

That night he waited anxiously for her to come home, he didn't care how late she came in he was determined to talk to her although as the clock struck nine he was beginning to doubt himself. He'd heard through the grapevine that things had been tense at the DPD all day, their bosses worsening mood a source of gossip and fear amongst her operatives, he would usually have laughed at the thought of his wife putting the fear of God into people but tonight he knew full well it could spell disaster for him. Hearing her car pull into the driveway he took one final look at the table and steadied himself. He'd made them dinner knowing full well on a stressful day at work she rarely found time to eat anything.

'Hi' she jumped slightly at the sound of his voice clearly expecting him to be tucked away in his office again like he had been every night this week, he'd been trying to give her space to sort herself out but realised now he had probably just made the whole situation worse. 'I made dinner I thought we could talk'

Her eyes followed his towards the table where she finally noticed the table full of food, he hadn't known what to make I mean what does someone cook to save their marriage so instead had just ordered from a variety of places. He was fully prepared for her to brush him off and make a quick escape to their room but to his surprise she made her way over to the table and sat down, it took him a beat to realise what she had done before he joined her sitting opposite so that the first time since that fateful night Gina had turned up he could look her square in the eye. He studied her closely as they eat in a relatively comfortable silence given the situation and noticed just how tired she looked he wondered if like him their situation had been keeping her up at night. Worry bubbled up inside him, he made a mental note to give them both a day off one day soon in the future make sure they both recharged their batteries properly.

'I'm sorry' he couldn't hold back any longer 'I'm sorry for everything meeting Gina, not telling you about it before or after, and for letting this go on for so long'

'Why did you do it? Why didn't you just tell me? Why did you need her to tell you what I had already told you?'

'Honestly' he looked at her to gauge her reaction he knew she wasn't going to like what he said next because he had no reason. He had been asking himself the same questions since that night and he could never find an answer 'I don't know 'he could tell she wasn't entirely happy with his answer and why should she be 'I guess I just feel like I need to keep you as far away from this mess as I can' he noticed her start to protest but carried on regardless 'I know I know we've been here before but I love you and I want to make sure none of this ever affects you or your position'

'Arthur we agreed we were going to fight this together. I know your trying to protect me but I'm a big girl I can look after myself and it affects me a hell of a lot more when you keep things from me than any of this ever could'

'I'm sorry' there was nothing else to say he knew she was right of course she could look after herself he didn't doubt that for a second and if they were to stand any chance of making this work he knew he had to accept that and stop shutting her out he wasn't protecting her he was just hurting her more 'I promise from now on I will stop shutting you out. I love you and I would rather lose everything else than loose you'

She was round his side now perched on the edge of the table 'I love you too and you're not going to lose anything especially me' she gently held his hand and he could see the determination in her eyes. Pulling her into his lap he wrapped his arms around her waist as he felt her relax into him.

'Do you think we could go back to the way things were before all this?'

'I'd like that but Arthur' she pulled back from him so she was looking him directly in the eye 'no more shutting me out to protect me we fight this together and no more secret meetings with your ex-wife' she emphasised the last part for effect.

'I promise' he suddenly remembered he still had her rings in his pocket and repositioned her slightly so he could retrieve them 'but you have to promise never to take these off again' he produced the rings and slipped them back into their rightful place relieved to see them where they belonged.

'Deal' turning to face him once more she brought her lips down to his only breaking apart when the need for oxygen became too much 'Why don't we take this upstairs?' there was a twinkle in her eye as she playfully pulled him up with her and towards the stairs.


End file.
